Greetings Dowel Fans!

It's been another fantastic year for the Dowel - and as this is our last newsletter of the year - it seems fitting to use this time to provide you with a recap! Whatever type of year you have had so far - I am sure the Dowel has made it better - Praise the Dowel!

2025 your year in Dowel

January: we started delivering newsletter updates via whatsapp. So that we can be less reliant on Google and Microsoft – why haven't you signed up yet?

February: We re-established our relationship with Big Dowel manufacturers. We were worried they stopped talking to us after I shared some of my more ‘ambitious’ ideas for the Dowel with them… I guess we all need money though don’t we…

March: The Dowel Milita was set up – in the nine months since - we have decided that our ceremonial (non war) hats will be emerald green.

April: April is when we issue our annual comment on the global geopolitical situation with respect to the worlds largest Dowel producing forests. We reported that China was not happy at all with having to buy lumber from Siberia for their own Dowel production and we predicted that China would make moves on that front – and boy have they – Russia is really being put in the corner so to speak – and theres no Johnny to pick them up... – more on that next April.

May: In may we reported how the Crows in Richmond park have expressed frustration with our efforts to communicate with them using Dowels and in unrelated “that's weird” news I was gifted a cucumber on two separate occasions. To update you on this – the benevolent Crows of Richmond park are no longer yelling at me and I have not revived any cucumbers since. If you think about it – cucumbers are the most Dowel like of all vegetables. If you disagree with this – then please write in to suggest a more Dowel like vegetable and I will tell you you are wrong.

July: We report on Dowl – the new Dowel themed Hot Dog restaurant in Lille France. There is no official link between us and them currently and I keep meaning to tell our French chapter to get over there and make some introductions – but I just havent got round to it yet. Also any arguments that Lille is actually closer to London than Paris shall be ignored.

August: We went to the Jodrell Bank Centre for Astrophysics to discuss our space plans. They remain sceptical, I am not concerned as history is full of people like that who just cant see outside of their narrow lane at ideas that will genuinielly revolutionise the world.

October: An example of a revolutionarly idea that will change the world is our new short-range whip based Dowel launcher that can send Dowels over the horizon. If you read our October newsletter - you will have seen the latest concept imagery.

November: We became aware that some (most?) of the Dowel Newsletter readership don’t know who J-Lo is! Come on! She married Batman! Twice! She could, sing, dance, act and do business… women of a certain age more than likely smelt of Jlo’s ‘glow’ back in the day…she was the archetype celebrity brand creator… and started the trend for that couple name blending thing… and she really cant stand people who don’t sort their recyclables properly (allegedly).

After the break!

Still to come - more general updates from the years biggest stories!

Readers Question of the Month - October 2025:

CLIMATE ACTION– in late 2024 we developed a plan that uses the Dowel to basically solve climate change. The multiple strategies include (1) growing additional trees to make Dowels, then (2) firing Dowels made from said trees in to space – transporting carbon out of the environment and (3) the Dowels now orbiting Earth - create a sunshade cooling the Earth. Frustratingly finance remains difficult to obtain – all we can do is keep increasing our membership – as if the fate of the planet depends on it.

KPAX UPDATE the response to my KPAX media drive (where I need you to send me legit hard-copies of the film KPAX) has been simultaniously - disappointing and ahead of expectations... send us KPAX.

MEMBERSHIP UPDATE. This year saw a very large uptake in mebership applications from Canadians – particularly in one region of Newfoundland – I look forward to the next census because not that many people live there – I think we can make a noticable impact… outside of that our hinterlands continue to be the UK and Ireland with various smaller outcrops of interest in various corners of the world. I have still to find a Japanese member – or a Vicky.

DOWEL PRICE CHECK In the UK Dowel prices are up 5% year on year (on average). Did your salary go up 5% this year – if not demand to be paid in Dowels!

She Sells Sanctuary (The Cult update). We are still not recognised formally as a cult – you can decide if thats a good or a bad thing.

So, with that I think you are now more or less up to date with what happened with Dowels in 2025.

NEXT YEAR!!

More Dowel news! More discussion on how we can get the cult like recognition that we deserve – and there will only be five years left for us to get our next Dowel in to space…. Join us! Praise the Dowel!

WHATS THAT - DOWEL NEWS ON WHATS APP?

Do you click on QR codes from unkown sources – if you clicked on the above you will have found the whatsapp channel of the Dowel. Key takeaways:

• Its private (as much as anything from meta is…)
• You arent visible to other viewers or followers of the channel – they cant see your number, profile picture etc.
• Meta probably track you, although they say they dont
• You will find a nice juicy link to the newsletter just as soon as it is released…
• You can sign up and then just completely ignore it no one minds.
• We will be including exclusive subsciber only content soon

So, what are you waiting on? Click the link and join up now! https://www.whatsapp.com/channel/0029VawAffN72WTvMBcXMc3X

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