Greetings Dowel fans!

Its the 11th of the 11th… and without any exaggeration - this months newsletter may be POSSIBLY THE MOST IMPORTANT EMAIL YOU WILL EVER READ! So, lets jump in….

PROBLEM:

Since the 70s it has been common knowledge that the burning of fossil fuels and the loss of the earths forests is leading to a long-term shift in the average conditions of the Earths atmosphere. For decades we have watched as the world leaders, in the pockets of big oil, have done little or nothing to change this.

The impending climate disaster and lack of action by our “leaders” has been a major cause of anxiety in normal people for years, leading to a lower quality of life and ultimately premature death. Fact.

SOLUTION:

We at the worshipful house of Dowel have always believed that the Dowel will save the world – through unity and connection – now just as we need it most - the Dowels time has come. Its common knowledge that scientific research often leads to unexpected and completely unpredicted outcomes. Our greatest minds have dedicated their efforts to developing our space program – devising a method to transport a Dowel anywhere in the world within 45 minutes. The initial aim of the space programme was just to help people who may have gone on holiday and forgotten their Dowel. However – in the course of our normal day to day research we have completely inadvertently discovered that we are sitting on the solution to climate change! Now that we know the solution – it seems blindingly obvious. To solve climate change and fix the issues with the Earths atmosphere - all we need to do is stick several hundred thousand Dowels in to it. Praise the Dowel!

Some of you may be sceptical – let us explain how this will work.
1) By growing trees to make Dowels – we are soaking up carbon dioxide.
2) By taking these Dowels and blasting them in to space – we remove the carbon dioxide problem from our planet and transport it somewhere else, outside of the environment.
3) By launching hundreds of thousands of Dowels in to orbit in the upper echelons of the atmosphere – we create an imperceptible and 100% natural sun shade that will lower the temperature of the earth to manageable levels - whilst importantly still being permeable enough for sunlight etc. to get through. We manage all this by launching the Dowels in to space using our own proprietary CO2 free launch vehicle (its based on a giant trebuchet using the worlds largest Dowel)

Its blindingly obvious now isnt it?

NOW WE NEED YOU!

Now - its more important than ever that you speak to your friends, family, colleagues, fellow users of public transport, the person who looks over your shoulder at the supermarket self check out, your landlord if you have one, people running along the riverpath, fellow diners at that fancy restaurant you eat in but wont tell your friends about, the lady from down the street who leaves her kitchen light on all night and speaks to her neighbours cats in inappropriate ways – basically everyone – and tell them – neigh implore them to join the Dowel! Speak to them as if the future of all humanity depends on it - because it does!

YOU MUST ENCOURAGE EVERYONE TO JOIN US. DO IT NOW OR YOU AND ALL OF THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT AND THE DESCENDENTS OF YOU AND/OR ALL THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT WILL BURN IN AN UNIMAGINABLE ENTIRELY PREDICTABLE HELL-SCAPE FULL OF FIRE AND BRIMSTONE and not just fire and brimstone – there will also be like five to ten times as much rain as there is now - HOT FIERY ACID RAIN! And it wont be nice! Take action now and if you don’t want to do it for humanity – do it for the cute little animals – like the Western Pygmy Possums of the world (pictured below) because they will die too if you don’t Praise the Dowel! PRAISE THE DOWEL!

Example Western Pygmy Possum

After the break!

Still to come – readers submit their photos of nice Dowels, we update you on “thats weird” and we have a Christmas card update.

Intermission:

Common applications for the Dowel: (1) Corner Jointing, (2) T-Jointing, (3) Butt Jointing, (4) Saving the World.

Praise the Dowel!

Dowel Photo of the Month.

From Paris, France. Is that Art? Yes it is.
Send us your photos of Dowel to info@praisethedowel.com

That's Weird

Spotted / overheard / drempt something weird? Let us know by replying to this email.

Christmas Stuff

Its that time of year again... if you are looking for a gift that shows you understand the recipitant on a deeper level - why not consider giving a donation to the Dowel in thier name?
Also - we will be sending "holiday themed" cards out soon (before the next newsletter). Now is the time to check we still have your correct details or for you to suggest new people for us to mail...

NEXT MONTH

As September is the most popular month of the year in the UK for babies to be born... next month we put foreward "101 ways the Dowel can improve your sex life." All that and more Dowel news - in next months newsletter.

Praise the Dowel - P.

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